please don't say a word

my oldest loves this one. i used to sing it to him every night when i lay him down to sleep. it was a ritual and even thinking about it makes me sad -- how quickly time flies and things change.

i guess i used to sing this to him to ease my heart as well -- when i think of this song now, aside from my son, it really makes me homesick for friends and family. i do so miss 10-15 years ago: the music, the parties and the friends. most of that changed when i met my ex. i turned from my friends and left them behind -- something i wish i could undo. now i am so far from them, especially a select few whom i really miss. i will make it right.

-------------------------------------

green and gray -- nickel creek

i'm in a room full of people, hanging on one person's breath.
we would all vote him most likely to be loved to death.
i hope he still wants it, but it might remind him of when,
he aimed for the bull's eye and hit it nine times out of ten.
that one time his hand slipped, and i saw the dart sail away.
i don't know where it landed, but i'm guessing between green and gray.
well i thought nothing of it, but it still haunts him like a ghost.
with all eyes upon him, except two that matter the most.

he says "green is the color everyone sees all around me.
gray is the color i see around her, and she's just a blur."
the more the crowd cheers, the less i can hear and they don't really care what i play.
it might be for her, but for now it's between green and gray.

we paid and we cheered, now we're gone and to us that feels right.
but for him, every one of those evenings turns into a night.
with another hotel room where he lays awake to pretend
that he's doing fine with his notebook and discman for friends.

he says "green is the color everyone sees all around me.
gray is the color i see around her, and she's just a blur."
night after night: what i hear, what i write fills the room and my head starts to sway.
it might be for her, but for now it's between green and gray.

i want you to love me, he whispers, unable to speak
and he wonders aloud why feelings so strong make the body so weak.
then he awoke. now he's scared to death somebody heard.
if it was you, and you know her, please don't say a word.

go on and save yourself

why does everyone look for someone else to blame -- to solve their problems/issues for them -- to 'bail them out'? the last time i checked, the pilot going down in his cockpit still had to pull the ejection handle...no one else was going to do it for him. i guess this stems from the 'let somebody else do the hard work, and if they don't do it well enough, i will just put them down' mentality. you have to pick yourself up -- everyone makes mistakes and trips up. why should we expect some handout to fix us? you have to do the work!

most of the time, good fortune has come my way when i chose to stop feeling sorry for myself and get off my butt and begin moving in the right direction...even if they were baby steps at first and i fell back often. just putting forth the effort seems to shift the 'karma' wheel moving in the right direction to allow better times to roll on home. now i do believe that we have a path to follow -- a good path -- that if we stray from it, bad things happen. but we can course correct and find the right road again.

i know it is hard work -- especially if you are backtracking or way off the road. be patient, it does take some time to change...but the journey begins with one step...one foot 'right' behind the other.

-------------------------------------

cochise -- audioslave

well i been watchin'
while you been coughin
i've been drinking life
while you've been nauseous
and so i drink to health
while you kill yourself
and i got just one thing
that i can offer

go on and save yourself
and take it out on me
go on and save yourself
and take it out on me yeaaaah!

well i'm not a martyr
i'm not a prophet
and i won't preach to you
but here's a caution
you better understand
that i won't hold your hand
but if it helps you mend
then i won't stop it

go on and save yourself
and take it out on me
go on and save yourself
and take it out on me
go on and save yourself
and take it out on me
go on and save yourself
and take it out on me yeaaaaah!

drown if you want
and i'll see you in the bottom
where you crawl
on my skin
and put the blame on me
so you don't feel a thing

go on and save yourself
and take it out on me
go on and save yourself
and take it out on me
go on and save yourself
and take it out on me
go on and save yourself
and take it out on me yeaaaahh!!!!

the exodus is here

lately i have been very tired -- keeping up with the two boys is a lot of work. but it is worth every ounce of energy spent. i love to watch them run and play -- it invigorates my soul.

i have had to fight in the past to get where i am now, but i could not imagine the alternative...we have a strong bond that keeps us moving forward.

i think i closed a chapter on a pretty crappy time in my life -- now i am awakened to what life and living it can really be. i am not running anymore. i am, for the first time in many, many years, truly living -- i will not fall again.

what about you -- are you living?

-------------------------------------

baba o'riley -- the who

out here in the fields
i fight for my meals
i get my back into my living.

i don't need to fight
to prove i'm right
i don't need to be forgiven.
yeah,yeah,yeah,yeah,yeah

don't cry
don't raise your eye
it's only teenage wasteland

sally, take my hand
we'll travel south cross land
put out the fire
and don't look past my shoulder.

the exodus is here
the happy ones are near
let's get together
before we get much older.

teenage wasteland
it's only teenage wasteland.
teenage wasteland
oh, yeah
teenage wasteland
they're all wasted!

all the world's indeed a stage

i always wanted to be more famous than i was -- at the time. wanted to be known, liked, respected, accepted. and boy, did i try...

now that i am older, i have learned that it is better to like yourself than be liked by others. frankly, i could really care less if people did not like me -- that is their problem, their anguish they must live with. that is no way to live for me. there is too much at stake and time is too short...

-------------------------------------

limelight -- rush

living on a lighted stage
approaches the unreal
for those who think and feel
in touch with some reality
beyond the gilded cage.

cast in this unlikely role
ill-equipped to act
with insufficient tact
one must put up barriers
to keep oneself intact.

living in the limelight
the universal dream
for those who wish to seem.
those who wish to be
must put aside the alienation,
get on with the fascination,
the real relation,
the underlying theme.

living in a fisheye lens,
caught in the camera eye.
i have no heart to lie
i can't pretend a stranger
is a long-awaited friend.

all the world's indeed a stage
and we are merely players:
performers and portrayers,
each another's audience
outside the gilded cage.

i don't know about anyone but me

am i really comfortable with who i am? for the most part, yes. i don't like my weight, or the clothes in the closet. but that is usual -- most would want some improvements in those areas. i do know that i am a good dad, and that God has blessed me in this way. i can always be better. i think about my younger years, like mr. browne below and i really do agree with the thought of how did i get to where i am now...

it may not have been the straightest or smoothest road, but it led me to this desk, this city, my home. and even though some of the times have been sort of 'crazy', i am thankful that i had the trip. better than the alternative anyway...

-------------------------------------

running on empty -- jackson browne

looking out at the road rushing under my wheels
looking back at the years gone by like so many summer fields
in sixty-five i was seventeen and running up one-o-one
i don't know where i'm running now, i'm just running on

running on - running on empty
running on - running blind
running on - running into the sun
but i'm running behind

gotta do what you can just to keep your love alive
trying not to confuse it with what you do to survive
in sixty-nine i was twenty-one and i called the road my own
i don't know when that road turned onto the road i'm on

running on - running on empty
running on - running blind
running on - running into the sun
but i'm running behind

everyone i know, everywhere i go
people need some reason to believe
i don't know about anyone but me
if it takes all night, that'll be all right
if i can get you to smile before i leave

looking out at the road rushing under my wheels
i don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels
i look around for the friends that i used to turn to to pull me through
looking into their eyes i see them running too

running on - running on empty
running on - running blind
running on - running into the sun
but i'm running behind

honey you really tempt me
you know the way you look so kind
i'd love to stick around but i'm running behind
you know i don't even know what i'm hoping to find
running into the sun but i'm running behind

you can cheat until you're blind

this one is short. i am never amazed by the naivete of people -- myself included...but no more. take a stand -- speak up -- speak out.

also -- make sure you are actually saying something.

-------------------------------------

it can happen -- yes

you can fool yourself
you can cheat until you're blind
you can cut your heart
it can happen

you can mend the wires
you can feed the soul apart
you reach
it can happen to you
it can happen to me
it can happen to everyone eventually

it's a constant fight
a constant fight
you're pushing the needle to the red
black and white
who knows who's right
no substitute you're born you're dead
fly by night
created out of fantasy
our destinations call

look up - look down
look out - look around
look up - look down
there's a crazy world outside
we're not about to lose our pride

it can happen to you
it can happen to me
it can happen to everyone eventually

as you happen to say
it can happen today
as it happens
it happens in every way

this world i like
we architects of life
a song a sigh
developing words that linger
through fields of green through open eyes
this for us to see

look up - look down
look out - look around
so look up - look down
there's a crazy world outside
we're not about to lose our pride

it can happen to you
it can happen to me
it can happen to everyone eventually

as you happen to say
it can happen today
as it happens
it happens in every way

as you happen to see
it will happen to be
nothing happens to nowhere and nowhere

look up - look down
there's a crazy world outside
we're not about to lose our pride

it can happen to you
it can happen to me
it can happen to everyone eventually

as you happen to see
it will happen to be
nothing happens to nowhere and nowhere

you can fool yourself
you can cheat until you're blind
you can cut your heart

you can fool yourself
it can happen to you
you can cheat until you're blind
it can happen to me

you can cut your heart
it can happen to everyone eventually
as you happen to say
it can happen today
as it happens
it happens in every way

you can mend the wires
you can feed the soul apart
you can touch your life
you can bring your soul alive
it can happen to you
it can happen to me
it can happen to everyone eventually

as you happen to say
it can happen today
as it happens
it happens in every way

learn to see

sometimes i get too caught up in day-to-day and i miss the little things around me. there are guardrails on life that keep us on the right road -- it is funny what those are...parents, kids, a job. all of these have a place, but what about the tiny ones -- like a heavy heart or conversation with a stranger -- these also shape our life and keep us on the track laid out before us.

-------------------------------------

couldn't stand the weather -- stevie ray vaughan

runnin' through this business of life,
rarely time if i'm needed to.
ain't so funny when things ain't feelin' right,
then daddy's hand helps to see me through.
sweet as sugar love won't wash away,
rain or shine, it always here to stay.
all these years you and i've spent together,
all this, we just couldn't stand the weather.

like a train that stops at every station,
we all deal with trials and tribulations.
fear hangs the fellow that ties up his years,
entangled in yellow and cries all his tears.
changes come before we can grow,
learn to see them before we're too old.
don't just take me for tryin' to be heavy,
understand, it's time to get ready for the storm.

but i don't know how

this song started so many things for me, and the last line practically kills me every time i listen to it... i cannot describe the affect her voice has on me. if there is one person's voice i wish i could introduce to everyone i meet -- it is this one. those who know me say that i obsess about her voice and work, but that is my right. let's just say, i know what i like.

my boys love to listen to this song and are moved by the lyrics and singing. they have great taste too. this song says so much to me -- what does it say to you?

-------------------------------------

if i could -- phish

take me to another place, she said
take me to another time
run with me across the oceans
float me on a silver cloud

if i could i would, but i don't know how
if i could i would, but i don't know how
if i could i would and i'd take you now

stay with me till time turns over
i want to feel my feet leave the ground
take me where the whispering breezes
can lift me up and spin me around

if i could i would...
hear you laughing as we go
flipping backward through the doors and through the windows...
i'm melting into nothing

if i could i would, but i don't know how
if i could i would, but i don't know how
if i could i would and i'd take you now

if i could i would, but i don't know how
if i could i would, but i don't know how
if i could i would, but i don't know how

excuse me please

this is not about who most would think, nor is it about any one in particular. i just really like this one. it hints at great loss and how he chooses to cope. now, i am no saint for sure and i know i have had a few of those times where i have drown my sorrows in a beer or two, but no matter what we choose, we cope differently.

now -- back to the subject of who this rings true for me -- there have been many: my first, a girl from college, and even one of my best friends. especially the last; i could fill pages on that one...

------------------------------------

grace is gone -- dave matthews band

neon shines through smoky eyes tonight,
its 2 am, i'm drunk again,
its heavy on my mind.

i could never love again,
so much as i love you.
where you end, where i begin,
is like a river going through.

take my eyes, take my heart,
i'll need them no more.
if never again theyll fall upon,
the one i so adore.

excuse me please, one more drink.
could you make it strong,
cause i don't need to think.
she broke my heart,
my grace is gone.
one more drink and i'll move on.

one drink to remember,
then another to forget.
how could i ever dream to find sweet love like you again?
one drink to remember, and another to forget...

excuse me please, one more drink.
could you make it strong,
cause i don't need to think.
she broke my heart,
my grace is gone.
one more drink and i'll move on.
one more drink and i'll be gone.

you think of things impossible,
then the sun refuse to shine.
i woke with you beside me,
your cold hand lay in mine.

excuse me please, one more drink.
could you make it strong,
cause i don't need to think.
she broke my heart,
my grace is gone.
one more drink and i'll go...

excuse me please, one more drink.
could you make it strong,
cause i don't need to think.
she broke my heart, my grace is gone.
one more drink and i'll move on,
one more drink and i'll be going.
one more drink my grace is gone.

to save you from yourself

sometimes you have to figure it out for yourself, whether that means starting over or moving on. it ususally is hard, but what worthwhile things are ever easy? when i think back to the changes over the last two years, i failed a lot, but succeeded so much more. i stopped some things, but i picked up some bad habits along the way. i kept up the forward progression -- heading 'further up...further in'.

-------------------------------------

keep fishin' -- weezer

you'll never be
a better kind
if you don't leave
the world behind.

waste my days,
drown aways.

it's just the thought of you
in love with someone else.
it breaks my heart to see you
hangin' from your shelf.

you'll never do
the things you want
if you don't move
and get a job.

waste my days,
drown aways.

it's just the thought of you
in love with someone else.
it breaks my heart to see you
hangin' from your shelf.

oh girl, when i'm in love with you
keep fishin' if you feel it's true.
there's nothin' much that we can do
to save you from yourself.

waste my days,
drown aways.

it's just the thought of you
in love with someone else.
it breaks my heart to see you
hangin' from your shelf.

oh girl, when i'm in love with you
keep fishin' if you feel it's true.
there's nothin' much that we can do
to save you from yourself.

you'll never do
the things you want
if you don't move
and get a job.

waste my days(and get a job)
waste my days(and get a job)
waste my days(and get a job)
waste my days(and get a job)
(waste my days) whoa-oh
(waste my days) whoa-oh, whoa-oh
(waste my days) whoa-oh
(waste my days) whoa-oh, whoa-oh
waste my days.

stand like you did

why should i/it be different now -- i have not changed, but improved. out with the bad and in with the good. like leaving a burning house and cleansing my lungs with the fresh air...everything i love and need is in the safety of the yard, while all the trash and useless stuff is reducing itself to cinders. i'll choose the yard with my most precious two.

-------------------------------------

now they'll sleep -- belly

now I've lost the plot.
i'm not the hero i could be,
but not the dog i was.
kind of common cry,
kind of common living lie.
color my fast fading heart.
people laugh at anything,
and things just fall apart.
kind of common cry,
kind of common living lie.
you know the shape my breath will take before i let it out.

stand like you did when i was beauty-marked in your eyes.
now they'll sleep on lies.

now eyes burn circles in the dark,
and when the mirror talks to me,
i listen with my heart.
kind of common cry,
kind of common living lie.
you know the shape my breath will take before i let it out.

stand like you did when i was beauty-marked in your eyes.
now they'll sleep all right.

you know the shape my breath will take before i let it out.
stand like you did when i was beauty-marked in your eyes.
stand like you did when i was beauty-marked in your eyes.
one common cry do do do do.
one common cry do do do do.
one common cry do do do do.
one common cry do do do do oh-ooo.

nothing lasts

i have been thinking a lot about the perspective of some people who make very bold statements...partially because of the recent facebook postings about '25 random things'. one sticks out in my mind...a 17-19yo girl states that she hates when she 'sees injustice.' what does she know about injustice, especially being born and raised in the usa, and attending quality education -- heck, even having a computer to access facebook to write such nonsense. plus, age is always the great leveller of the playing field. maybe she has seen 'injustice' on cnn.com or msnbc, but has never experienced it...a father in africa who has to leave his 10 month old child at home, alone, so he can go to work at a landfill to bring home enough money to provide 1 meal a day -- this man knows injustice. a mother, whose son is killed by a roadside bomb in iraq -- she knows it too.

it is a sad state of affairs in our world, where we are running toward that 'never' instead of acting now.

-------------------------------------

route -- son volt

reality, it burns.
the way we're living is worse.
the pillars of inspiration are all falling down.
the clean-up won't work, while the fallout goes on.

and it's now or never, too close to the latter.
we're all living proof that nothing lasts.

standing in the neutral zone
living on sleep deprivation.
the rural route sleeps while the city bleeds all over itself.
over the falls in a barrel is where the answers have gone.

and it's now or never, too close to the latter.
we're all living proof that nothing lasts.
and it's here for now, transient tomorrow.
we're all living proof that nothing lasts.

another road remains, but it provides no more.
it can only take us away.
southbound, you can taste the weather.
it feels like home.

and it's now or never, too close to the latter.
we're all living proof that nothing lasts.
and it's here for now, transient tomorrow.
we're all living proof that nothing lasts.

every streetlight a reminder

i have always been somewhat eclectic in my musical tastes and my friends have wondered why i connect so much to the tune and lyrics i hear. i cannot really explain it -- except to say that when i hear a song or artist that appeals to me, it is a physiological response...the hair on my arms stands up, my heart races, and i usually smile. spontaneous finger or toe tapping usually occurs. sometimes i am so overcome with emotional connection, i can barely breathe. music speaks to me and nourishes my soul and i would not have it any other way.

now to the meat of the subject -- i am going to try this blog, posting one song per weekday that i have a special connection with, in hopes you -- the reader -- could discover something about the writer and maybe something about yourself at the same time. i will try to be consistent in format -- song title and artist, and possibly include some little anecdotal aside to segway between. so i guess i will begin with my favorite...

-------------------------------------

nightswimming -- r.e.m.

nightswimming deserves a quiet night.
the photograph on the dashboard, taken years ago,
turned around backwards so the windshield shows.
every streetlight reveals the picture in reverse.
still, it's so much clearer.
i forgot my shirt at the water's edge.
the moon is low tonight.

nightswimming deserves a quiet night.
i'm not sure all these people understand.
it's not like years ago,
the fear of getting caught,
of recklessness and water.
they cannot see me naked.
these things, they go away,
replaced by everyday.

nightswimming, remembering that night.
september's coming soon.
i'm pining for the moon.
and what if there were two
side by side in orbit
around the fairest sun?
that bright, tight forever drum
could not describe nightswimming.

you, i thought i knew you.
you, i cannot judge.
you, i thought you knew me,
this one laughing quietly underneath my breath.
nightswimming.

the photograph reflects,
every streetlight a reminder.
nightswimming deserves a quiet night, deserves a quiet night.